If I was sitting across from you right now, I would tell you that “Honor the space between no longer and not yet,” (Nancy Levin) has been resonating a lot with me lately. In the most basic terms, it’s the weather. It is no longer dark winter, but spring hasn’t quite fully arrived either. In the most complicated terms, it is life. I am no longer the person I once was. I am not yet the person I will be. Although, those statements are easy to type, they are hard to wrap your head around. I would tell you, that if we are being honest with ourselves, we will never really be that final person. Not because we won’t change, but because we won’t stop.
Partly because of that quote, but partly just because, I have been on a kick to be more present. It’s an idea that constantly needs reminding in my head. Presence, Presence, Presence. Now, Now, Now. And even though that mantra goes against every planner bone in my body, I find it reassuring that we get to try it all again in a year. Maybe this coming winter will be happier or less stressed. Maybe it will be crazy. But either way, it’s nice knowing we get to take another shot at it.
If I was sitting across from you right now, I would ask how you find peace. I’m trying to collect some ideas for establishing rest and mindfulness in my own routine. Over this past winter, I’ve come to realize that my body is rebelling under stress that I didn’t even know it was under. That can’t be good. When you are no longer even feeling stress, I’m pretty sure you have crossed some dark line. What are you doing for rest and relaxation? (I know you would have some ideas for this, so let me know in the comments.)
If I was sitting across from you right now, I would ask you what are appropriate adult hobbies? The other day someone asked me what my thing was. My Thing. It felt serious and substantial. It felt like I should have an answer to what my thing is. In high school, and even college, we had so many things. Hobbies defined the days and hours that have since been taken up with commuting and work and studying for the ARE. Next year is going to be the year of finding my hobbies. I know you are out there, things. Knowing you, you would give me lots of suggestions and then offer to try one out with me.
If I was sitting across from you right now, I would ask how your Lenten promise is going (or your resolutions for this year). For the past few years, I have been giving up desserts. It feels cleansing, mostly for my body. But this past week the cravings have set in and with the signs of Easter coming, I am already planning my first trip for ice cream and Gummy Tummies (and seriously if you aren’t already feasting on Trader Joe’s Gummy Tummies, you should be).
In many ways, I think this probably is not the right way to be doing Lent. I wish my Lent led to more meditation. I wish I carved away more time for reflection. But right now, in this moment, it is working for me. It is enough. And while maybe over the years, my time devotion will grow, this year it cannot. How did your time go? Was it easy, was it hard? Would you do it again?
If I was sitting across from you right now, I would want to talk about Serial. Because yes, I just finished listening to the first season. I would tell you how I get about pop culture phenomena. How the endless endorsements make me want to just ignore whatever is being proffered. Only to try it years later and realize that I should have listened to all these people that have been recommending it from the start. But, even though I am late on the game, I want to know what you make of it. Do you think he deserves to be in jail? Do you think he is innocent? If we were together, we would chat about how those answers could be different.
If I was sitting across from you right now, I would tell you how I went to jury duty last month. I’d mention how often the judge reiterated that you aren’t allowed to hold the fact that the defendant didn’t testify against them. I’d bring up how in most of those law and order shows the defendant doesn’t testify. And then I would ask you, how come Adnan’s jury took that out against him? If I am being honest, I would tell you that his conviction made me a little nervous about our criminal justice system. I would ask if you felt the same.
If I was sitting across from you right now, I would tell you that I need a new podcast to listen to. I know you would recommend a bunch, which I’m sure are all awesome because they always are, and we would go grab another scoop of ice cream right after Lent is over.